Scary Halloween Guises

I'm sitting in my house right now with most of the lights out, hoping that no trick-or-treaters bang on my door, because I didn't buy any candy this year. And I'm thinking about how it's sometimes interesting in a wryly funny way for me to look back on the time I spent in a strict, aberrant church and to see the similarities between that group and many other group settings I see in the broader society. One thing our head honcho seemed to want is to make sure that we were known for all the things we didn't do, as a means of setting ourselves apart as holier than our fellow men.

One of those forbidden things was to celebrate religious holidays such as Christmas or Easter, because this was supposed to be “worldly.” So it was that a few years after I left that church, while I was still living in So. Cal., I decided to put up Christmas lights on my house as a gesture of rebellion against my past. Trouble is, it does sometimes rain in California – especially in the winter. Being the electrical engineer that I am, I worried that rain might short out my Christmas lights. So one Sunday after the worship service, I talked to the associate pastor at the Lutheran church I was attending at the time. He knew some of my history and we had often had conversations about the disaster of modern American evangelicalism. This time, I had a very important spiritual question: “Pastor, er, um...how exactly do you keep Christmas lights from shorting out in the rain?” (The answer involves plastic bags and duct tape.)

One big thing that we didn't (with a capital D) do was Halloween. The reason given was that the origins of Halloween are satanic, and that as Christians we don't want to acknowledge or celebrate the lies of the enemy. To this day I believe that this is an accurate statement. However, we carried it to a ridiculous extreme, especially in the workplace, where our leaders often encouraged us to go out of our way to be self-righteous sticks in the mud, disapprovingly wagging our fingers at anyone who dressed up as anything other than themselves on Halloween.

This caused many of us to miss a great deal of humor. I remember how, a few years after I had gotten out of the Army, I was working at a defense plant. One Halloween I had to go to work late because of an appointment of some kind or another in the morning. Once I arrived at work, I went to a parts crib on the second floor to get something or another, and I was greeted by a couple of nuns working the parts counter. Taken aback, I wondered aloud if our company had decided to hire members of a South American Catholic society...then I recognized the faces of a couple of co-workers wrapped up in those nuns' habits.

Now that I'm an engineer, I find it refreshing to meet my co-workers from time to time in a guise other than the ones they normally wear. (Engineers can be so straight ;) ) Last year, our office had a Halloween potluck in which lead engineers, assistant department managers, project managers and others let themselve act just a bit silly. One guy dressed up as a geek who had gotten some of his limbs caught in an industrial machine. A project manager dressed as a rock dj, and a project engineer dressed as a folk singer. A couple of women engineers, along with some with designer/draftswomen and secretaries, dressed like kids going to a slumber party. I must say, they all looked cute. (FYI, when a guy says “cute,” he frequently means, quaintly, ridiculously, endearingly funny. That's how I mean it here.)

This year, I dressed up as myself. That's probably scary enough for most people, I think. But as I am reminded of all the nit-picky ways in which our church tried to differentiate itself from the rest of Christendom, and how this nit-picking is characteristic of legalistic, totalist groups – especially some of the Plymouth Brethren (Darbyite) variety and its many offshoots, including those people who run around telling everyone that they are God's deputy authorities on earth – I have come up with an idea for next Halloween. I think I'll dress up as one of the stricter Plymouth Brethren. Now that should be scary!

The Party Of Godliness (?)

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,

go ahead and cheat a friend;

Do it in the name of Heaven,

justify it in the end.

There won't be any trumpets blowin'

come the Judgment Day;

on the bloody mornin' after...

one tin soldier rides away.

– One Tin Soldier, by Dennis Lambert and Brian Potter; orginal recording by The Original Caste

Sometimes I'm slow to pick up on emerging political developments. So forgive me if you've already heard that Republican U.S. Senator John Ensign was recently found to have had an affair with the wife of one of his staffers, or that in order to cover up this affair, the Senator found a high-paying position in a lobbying firm for that staffer, or that in 2008, Senator Ensign's parents paid the staffer's wife $96,000 as “hush money.”

This is interesting because of the fact that in 2008, as in several previous elections, the American “Christian” right exhorted evangelicals to support the Republican party because the Republicans were the “party of godliness,” and were thus America's last best hope for preservation as a “Christian” nation. Of course, their definition of “Christian” was somewhat narrow, consisting only of the following:

• Respect for the American flag and the Constitution

• Supporting our troops!

• Opposing homosexuality and abortion

• Upholding traditional marriage

• and supporting unhindered capitalism

(Why did I put the word Christian in quotation marks in the paragraph above? Because it's my way of saying, “You may call this 'Christian', but you overlooked a few things!” Or as a movie character once said, “Finding a mouse in a cookie jar doesn't make it a cookie.”)

2009 seems to be the year for imploding Republicans, as 2006 was. Not only do we have Senator Ensign's immoral and illegal acts, but we have South Carolina's Republican Governor Mark Sanford, who was caught in an adulterous affair and who used taxpayer money to try to cover it up. Then there's California Assemblyman Mark Duvall from Orange County who was also caught “kissing the wrong woman.” I could go on and name former Congressman Chip Pickering, or Charles Jensen, Paradise Valley Mayor Vernon Parker and Arizona conservative talk show host Mike Broomhead. Jenson, Parker and Broomhead were leaders of an Arizona Republican political organization. There are other names, of course. If you are reading this and you think your name should be here, please forgive me if I failed to mention you.

Funny thing is, all the so-called “Christian Coalition” and “family values” groups that condemned people like former President Clinton and former attorney general Eliot Spitzer have been quite silent about recent Republican meltdowns. These people have been extremely quick to condemn the moral degeneracy of the Democrats. Why are they silent now? (Hey, James Dobson and Tony Perkins, I can't hear you!!!) Is it because the threat of moral degeneracy is no longer important to them? And why have so many Republican politicians refused to resign from office after being outed?

Could it be that their real agenda has nothing to do with Christian morality? Could it be that their professed “godliness” is simply a ploy to get votes from gullible people? What do they actually support, beside economic, political and military domination of the world, and the securing of an extremely lavish lifestyle for a small minority of the world at the expense of the rest of the world? Don't get me wrong – homosexuality and abortion are in fact sin. But so are greed and murder and the violation of the poor.

Yeah, yeah, I know – you've heard me say this time and time again. But I just found out about Senator Ensign. Thinking about how hard the Republicans have fought to tear apart all of our social safety nets, I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading.

If you want to read more, check out these links:

Republican sex scandal meets spirituality on C Street, regarding the so-called “Christian” shared housing inhabited by mostly Republican lawmakers, and the code of silence which prevents their talking about housemates who commit high crimes and misdemeanors;

And Another GOP Sex Scandal, whose title is self-explanatory,

And lastly, Audra Shay Wins Young Republican Race Despite Facebook Racism Controversy, which shows something of the Right's real agenda.

Ones Like The Ones On My Car! (Part 1)

As anyone who has read my blogging can attest, I have a rather low opinion of modern American evangelicalism. (Here's a sample of my thoughts: The Warrens of the Purpose-Driven.) It's probably not surprising then to know that I don't usually visit modern American evangelical churches – especially not the elder-led or staff-led, praise band-driven, “seeker-sensitive” outfits modeled after the guidelines of the “Purpose-Driven Church.” I keep looking for something like the churches I was used to as a kid, where the Lord was worshiped, the Bible was preached, and the pastor was not trying to become some hip, trendy “star” of a religious empire. In my search, I often feel as frustrated as a character in a radio commercial from a couple of decades ago who was shopping for replacement tires for his car. The tire store salesmen kept trying to sell him all sorts of innovative, cutting-edge tires, while he kept repeating “I just want ones like the ones on my car!!!” in an exasperated voice.

Lately I had begun to wonder if perhaps I was not being just a bit narrow-minded, unwilling to give the modern megachurches and wanna-be's a fair hearing. So today I dropped in at a church meeting at an elementary school. Their trendy-looking banner proudly proclaimed, “One True Life Church,” or something like that, and listed their Web address at the bottom. I laughed a bit at the sight of their ultra-cool banner, then worked hard to keep a straight face as I walked up to one of their greeters.

“I already know the answers to my questions,” I told myself, “but just to be fair, I'll ask anyway.” The greeter, an elderly gentleman, eyed me and said “Hello!” in a bright, friendly voice.

“Hi,” I said. “I have a question about your church. Is it a Purpose-Driven church?” The greeter looked at me, puzzled. “Well, we're Christ-driven,” he replied. “What I mean is,” I answered, “are you staff-led or elder-led? Does the congregation pick the leaders, or do the staff? Do you have a praise band that just sings modern worship songs and no old hymns? When you sing your songs, do you have to pay royalties to the CCLI?” The greeter pondered these questions for a few seconds.

While he was thinking, a youthful, burly guy with a goatee walked up and stuck his hand out. “Howdy!” he said, and told me his name. I asked him about whether the church was staff-led or elder led, and who chose the pastor and elders. He looked puzzled. “Gosh,” he said, “well, we've always had the pastor.” “How did you choose your elders?” I asked. “Well, the pastor went around to people who were qualified and asked them if they were willing to be elders,” he replied. “Did the congregation vote on these elders?” I asked. He answered, “No! That's a strange question. Why would the congregation vote on elders?”

“Well then, does the congregation vote on how your money is spent?” I asked. “No, we have a special finance committee that does that,” he said. I asked, “Who chooses the members of the finance committee? Does the congregation?” “No,” he answered. “The pastor and the elders do. Who ever heard of a congregation voting on these things? Why is it such a big deal? You never read of congregations voting on things like that!” “Yes you do,” I said. “In Acts 6, the congregation chose the first seven deacons. The apostles merely laid their hands on those the congregation picked. But I have one last question. Do you have to pay royalties to the CCLI every time you sing a worship song?”

“Who's the CCLI? ...I never heard of them,” he answered. “Do you show your song lyrics on some sort of projection screen?” I asked. “Have you ever noticed at the bottom of the screen, for each song, there is something saying CCLI Number Thus-and-Such?” “Oh...yeah,” he said. “But I never pay attention to those things.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “You've answered all my questions.” Then I walked away, down the street a couple of blocks to a small Korean church whose service was in progress. I sat in the back of their meeting hall and listened. I could not understand a thing. Yet they seemed simple and sincere, without all the show-biz trappings of modern American evangelical churches, and I actually recognized the tunes of some of the hymns they sang. I sang along quietly, in English.

How the LASIK Surgery Went

Several weeks ago, I posted a prayer request regarding an appointment I made for upcoming LASIK vision correction surgery. It has now been over a month since I had the surgery, and I owe a bit of an explanation of how things went. Thanks to all of you who prayed for me. I do apologize for not filling you in on the details sooner.

Everything went quite well. My uncorrected eyes were not that bad. My right eye was the worst, requiring a perscription of just over -4 diopters. The surgeon's office had me eating flax oil and using lubricant eye drops for a few weeks before the surgery, to make sure my eyes were not dry. The surgeon informed me that he had done LASIK for some members of the Portland Trailblazers. They advanced to the first round of this last season's NBA playoffs (although they lost the first round), so I figured they must be able to see well enough to hit the basket. My confidence in my surgeon was helped by this news.

On the day of the surgery, I was given a few eye tests, then a dose of Valium. It wasn't enough to knock me out or even to diminish consciousness that much. Instead, it just made me a bit apathetic. I was glad when it wore off. (Prescription drug addiction isn't one of my besetting sins, I guess.) After the Valium, they led me into a rather ordinary looking room with some sort of apparatus whose details I didn't bother to notice. They laid me into a reclining chair, put a suction cup device on my right eye, and did their business. Then they switched to the left eye. I noticed a profound difference in my vision after they were done.

The first afternoon was the most uncomfortable, although by evening my eyes felt normal. I had to sleep with an eye shield for the first week, and I was told to refrain from rubbing my eyes for the first month. I did notice both glare and haloes around lights at night, although this has gotten quite a bit better.

My left eye seems picture-perfect right now, with vision of 20/15. The vision in my right eye is still settling down, and fluctuates between 20/20 and 20/15, with occasional days where my vision is slightly worse than 20/20. Using lubricating eye drops definitely seems to help. I've been told that the complete healing process takes around three months.

All in all, it's quite liberating to not have to find my glasses when I wake up in the morning, to be free from the terror of losing my glasses should I ever have to travel, and to be free from having to stock up on contact lenses and cleaning solution. Thanks again for your prayers!