Ones Like The Ones On My Car! (Part 1)

As anyone who has read my blogging can attest, I have a rather low opinion of modern American evangelicalism. (Here's a sample of my thoughts: The Warrens of the Purpose-Driven.) It's probably not surprising then to know that I don't usually visit modern American evangelical churches – especially not the elder-led or staff-led, praise band-driven, “seeker-sensitive” outfits modeled after the guidelines of the “Purpose-Driven Church.” I keep looking for something like the churches I was used to as a kid, where the Lord was worshiped, the Bible was preached, and the pastor was not trying to become some hip, trendy “star” of a religious empire. In my search, I often feel as frustrated as a character in a radio commercial from a couple of decades ago who was shopping for replacement tires for his car. The tire store salesmen kept trying to sell him all sorts of innovative, cutting-edge tires, while he kept repeating “I just want ones like the ones on my car!!!” in an exasperated voice.

Lately I had begun to wonder if perhaps I was not being just a bit narrow-minded, unwilling to give the modern megachurches and wanna-be's a fair hearing. So today I dropped in at a church meeting at an elementary school. Their trendy-looking banner proudly proclaimed, “One True Life Church,” or something like that, and listed their Web address at the bottom. I laughed a bit at the sight of their ultra-cool banner, then worked hard to keep a straight face as I walked up to one of their greeters.

“I already know the answers to my questions,” I told myself, “but just to be fair, I'll ask anyway.” The greeter, an elderly gentleman, eyed me and said “Hello!” in a bright, friendly voice.

“Hi,” I said. “I have a question about your church. Is it a Purpose-Driven church?” The greeter looked at me, puzzled. “Well, we're Christ-driven,” he replied. “What I mean is,” I answered, “are you staff-led or elder-led? Does the congregation pick the leaders, or do the staff? Do you have a praise band that just sings modern worship songs and no old hymns? When you sing your songs, do you have to pay royalties to the CCLI?” The greeter pondered these questions for a few seconds.

While he was thinking, a youthful, burly guy with a goatee walked up and stuck his hand out. “Howdy!” he said, and told me his name. I asked him about whether the church was staff-led or elder led, and who chose the pastor and elders. He looked puzzled. “Gosh,” he said, “well, we've always had the pastor.” “How did you choose your elders?” I asked. “Well, the pastor went around to people who were qualified and asked them if they were willing to be elders,” he replied. “Did the congregation vote on these elders?” I asked. He answered, “No! That's a strange question. Why would the congregation vote on elders?”

“Well then, does the congregation vote on how your money is spent?” I asked. “No, we have a special finance committee that does that,” he said. I asked, “Who chooses the members of the finance committee? Does the congregation?” “No,” he answered. “The pastor and the elders do. Who ever heard of a congregation voting on these things? Why is it such a big deal? You never read of congregations voting on things like that!” “Yes you do,” I said. “In Acts 6, the congregation chose the first seven deacons. The apostles merely laid their hands on those the congregation picked. But I have one last question. Do you have to pay royalties to the CCLI every time you sing a worship song?”

“Who's the CCLI? ...I never heard of them,” he answered. “Do you show your song lyrics on some sort of projection screen?” I asked. “Have you ever noticed at the bottom of the screen, for each song, there is something saying CCLI Number Thus-and-Such?” “Oh...yeah,” he said. “But I never pay attention to those things.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “You've answered all my questions.” Then I walked away, down the street a couple of blocks to a small Korean church whose service was in progress. I sat in the back of their meeting hall and listened. I could not understand a thing. Yet they seemed simple and sincere, without all the show-biz trappings of modern American evangelical churches, and I actually recognized the tunes of some of the hymns they sang. I sang along quietly, in English.